Well..... This will be a work in progress.
I have MANY pictures to add and Jake has many on the jump drive (where it is I don't know?)
SO MUCH has happened in this past year. It was difficult but I am grateful for the learning experiences and opportunities of growth.
First of all, I'm not sure how honest to be here....
I think I'd like to be rather honest for posterity sake. First off,
we moved from Washington State to Bend, Oregon. There IS a story there....
We lived in Washington for 1 year. We moved there July 4th weekend of 2009 and moved to Oregon July 30, 2010. The area we lived in was BEAUTIFUL, we loved it. We planned and hoped to buy a home and stay for a long time. But the cost of living was a bit much. -But that was not the "issue". Now realize that I am aware that not everyone has poor experiences and that not all of Washington is bad! I believe that we are given certain experiences for our own good. -For the blessing of growth and learning where the Lord feels we are in need, in this life.
I have always felt like "I am not good enough" like I must have "this" or I must have "that" to show I am "good enough". This was a lesson for me. In the past few years we had been struggling financially because of poor decision making etc... (e.g. "I must have 'this' or 'that' to be 'good enough'") I would get depressed because I didn't have "enough". This weighed heavily on my poor husband who tried so hard to make me happy. I knew the problem to my unhappiness lied with me, so I began to pray for gratitude.
Gratitude has become such an important anchor in my life. I continue to pray for gratitude daily. I have seen remarkable changes in my life due to the blessing of gratitude. I believe that gratitude is ESSENTIAL for our learning and growth in this our eternal life. I believe it goes hand in hand with Humility, Charity, Love, Faith and Hope.
I had grown and made a lot of changes in the 2 years prior to moving to Washington, but I still had this feeling of needing/ wanting more to show that "I am good enough".
I think we had been in Washington for 2 weeks when someone in our ward told me that "You couldn't afford a home here." (now, I LOVE this sister and I completely forgive her! but again, this is something I have come to know that my Heavenly Father was trying to convey a message/ learning experience to/ for me) ... then a few weeks later some ladies in our ward were putting together a preschool group. I was SO EXCITED and asked if I could join. I was turned down. First they said "Well, we just want boys in the group." and I said "Oh, well I know that these two little girls are involved." then I was told "Well, Elizabeth is too young. We want kids who are 3 years old." I said "Well, this child is turning 3 in December and Elizabeth's birthday is in January and this child's birthday is in April, all turning 3." They finally said "Why don't you just join gymnastics?". A member of our Bishopric stopped by for a visit and he said, "We have real problems in this ward with the "Have's" and the "Have not's". Later after I had been asked to help on the, formerly known as the "Enrichment", Committee that the entire ward knew that I had been "Offended" NICE! I was mortified. There was a lot of talk about money. I'm not going to go into all that.... But it was expected that we were all to "donate" anything wanted or needed for our activities. I was later called to serve in the Young Women's presidency. Again, it was implicated that we were to "donate" all funds needed and wanted. We were still trying to get out of debt and save to buy a home, I couldn't afford several hundreds of dollars a month to "donate". So, when I turned in my receipts I was VERY nervous. But I did it. As I handed them over I felt the tension. They were looked over and what was said was "WOW, you certainly do save everything don't you?". Then I was told "Well, lets shave this down a bit" and I was told somethings would not be reimbursed. I was okay with that. But then I was told "Wow, your husband must not have a good job.", "MY HUSBAND HAS A GOOOOOD JOB!" I was STUNNED. She said those words 3 times, each time telling me that my husband does not have a good job and how hers does. I felt like "YEAH I GOT IT!". I remained calm remembering that we are here to serve the Lord and this is a Church meeting. Then throughout our meeting planning activities and so forth she would stop and ask me if that was "Too Expensive" for me. I finally said VERY snarly "I'M NOT POOR!" .... it was not good. -The children in our ward there whom Elizabeth had to be socialized with due to my meetings and so forth were MEAN to her. She would cry and they were manipulative and nasty. She started to react and words would come out of her mouth like "I can't wear that or they will laugh at me". I'm sorry, but a 2 year old should NEVER have those thoughts!! I kept thinking "These poeple are not Christian!" Its like they lost their basic ability to be Christians. When the parents started to look at me and comment about Elizabeth and my parenting I was "done". my insecurities were damaging me and my child. I was reacting and not acting. Now, I was not the only person who had been treated this way. Actually, some others' stories are MUCH worse. But this is about me.
After months of coming home from church and my meetings bawling for hours, Jake asked his boss if we could move. Jake wasn't happy there either. People hadn't been nice to him, but not as bad as me and Elizabeth.
Through the termoil and strife I was able to serve and make some good friends. I felt I loved the young women and I tried to bring the gospel and spirit into our meetings. When it was time to go I was VERY happy and excited to leave! I struggled to know if I had done everything the Lord had asked of me or if I had failed and brought strife into the situation. I prayed and prayed about it. I HAD to know I was okay with the Lord. I felt that I had received my confirmation that I had done all that He had asked. I didn't feel I knew why I had gone through that experience until I had been here in Oregon for a few months. I must admit I was scared after that experiece and having lived in Oregon before not having a good experience...
We moved to Bend. Our apartment is HUNDREDS less then what we paid in Washington and it is much sunnier here in Central Oregon. I needed some sunshine :) our apartment has lots of windows to let the light in, more space and a nice portch. Elizabeth LOVES her pre-school, they do Yoga and Swimming lessons. Its been so fun living closer to Jake's family so we can visit and love them. We welcomed our little Addison Grace into our family in October. My sister Susan was so wonderful to come from Seattle to wecome Addison and help out a bit while Jake's Dad and Gma Carol as well as Kendell's family entertained Elizabeth through the Halloween festivities.
Our ward is less wealthy then our last. We specifically chose not to go to a "certain" area of town, I no longer wanted to be around that type of people. I had NO desire to "keep up with the Jones'" I just wanted to be happy and content with what we have, continue to get out of debt and plan for the future. Our ward here has been very kind, loving and welcoming. They remind me of the Lords' people and who I want to be. They serve one another and love one another.
Jake has been meeting new friends and has had time to go to his cabin with old ones. Jake is now serving in the Elders Quarum presidency in our ward and has blessed our family greatly through is ever growing spirit and eternal love.
Some members of our ward threw me my first baby shower for Addison. The people we interact with here truely strive to live the Lords gospel and just be good people. I remember my parents telling me time and time again how money is not a blessing. I "knew", but now I KNOW. I no longer have any desire to be like the Jones'. I LOVE being The Phair's :)
